Relatively Speaking

At holiday time, the word at the movies is "relatives suck."

By Stephen B. Hunt

As if our own lives didn't feature enough hard-drinking creepy uncles, openly Republican aunts, slightly batty grandmas or high-strung, poised-to-explode dads, the movies provide them for us - and never more than during the holidays, when chances are we're home spending quality time with some of their real-life counterparts. Moving Pictures went in search of the worst holiday movie relatives ever - as well as some you may have just seen during your holidays. If you feel we missed someone, write and nominate them for the 2006 list. If they're related to you, we sympathize.

1. Robert De Niro, Meet the Parents (2000) and Meet the Fockers (2004). Nothing quite like having your father-in-law be a former CIA agent, who micro manages everyone's life, drives a Winnebago equipped with a secret spy lab, and is so emotionally distant he only has sex with his wife on their anniversary. (The less said about the lactating fake boob, the better).

2. Mary Tyler Moore, Flirting With Disaster (1996). Mary Tyler Moore was once the Matron Saint of Middle America on television, but not in the movies. Although best known for the twenty years playing Dick Van Dyke's wife and news producer Mary Richards, Moore also created two of the more memorable moms-from-Hell in two critically-acclaimed films (Flirting With Disaster; Ordinary People, 1980). She's remote, she's judgmental, and there's a hole where her heart oughta be-she's Mary!

3. John Candy, Uncle Buck (1989). John Candy is that fat guy in your family with the boundary issues. Not only does he have boundary issues with grub, he has them with personal space - he stands too close; conversation - he won't shut up; and life in general - he won't get married, have a family of his own and torture them instead. On the other hand, he's quite sweet, if you're in the market for an overlarge, overbearing best buddy who has nothing but time on his hands and a big warm place in his heart for you.

4. Judy Davis, The Ref (1994). Davis plays a hostage held by Denis Leary over the holidays who has such a terrible relationship with her husband (Kevin Spacey), that Leary, the kidnapper, is forced to serve as a couple's counselor between the warring parties. She is too skinny, too angry, too smart, smokes too many cigarettes and allows her female rage to bubble too close to the surface to escape making this list.

5. Shirley MacLaine, Postcards From the Edge (1990). Is there one thing you hate about yourself that ruins your holidays every time someone brings it up? Just wait until Shirley arrives on the scene in Terms of Endearment (1983), Postcards From the Edge or Bewitched (2005). Whether she plays a mortal mom minus most moms' good manners, or an obnoxious mother-in-law who happens to literally be a witch, she is almost always guaranteed to be a nightmare to deal with, whether you're her daughter, son-in-law or a fat astronaut played by Jack Nicholson.